Look, guys! Another advergame!
Since this playthrough cuts right to the beginning of the gameplay, I might as well explain what the heck is going on. Cue Wikipedia:
UFO Kamen Yakisoban was the main character, played by Michael Tomioka, in a series of TV commercials for "UFO" instant yakisoba noodles produced by Nissin Foods. A feature film was released in 1994 directly to VHS video, which also featured Dave Spector as Kettler.
The noodle superhero wants to marry the princess, but Kettler wants her for himself. The hero wears a bowl of UFO yakisoba on his head. There are five stages to overcome until the princess can be rescued.
Strangely, the cutscenes for the game are removed here. They mostly revolve around Kettler sending a boss after you that you'll end up facing at the end of the stage.
Kettler is a jerk. Not only is he against UFO Yakisoba, he's a kettle-cooked yakisoba extremist and has the gall to eat them with a fork instead of chopsticks.
That must also explain the UFO-mobile that he drives at the beginning before you can finally take the reins. Whoever made this clearly wanted this game to be accurate to the commercials.
The first stage takes place at what appears to be a shrine. Since the game came out in 1994 for Japan only and the game is a walking advertisement for instant yakisoba, expect references to noodles and yakisoba everywhere.
The ring in the lower-left with the star is your energy meter. If this thing turns completely red, you're dead. You'll lose one of the stars next to Yakisoban's name, which is immediately to the right, and you only start with three lives. Likewise, the ring on the lower-right with the skull is the energy meter for the enemy you're currently beating into a pulp.
The timer above the enemy energy meter with the kettle next to it is the amount of time you have left in that section. If it goes to zero, the kettle will start whistling and you're basically a dead man. You have barely enough time to make it through each section, and the only way to gain more time is to either die or head to the next section.
Aside from being able to punch people, you can also charge up a soy sauce gun attack. As you hold the attack button and charge it up, Yakisoban's outline will go from red to yellow to green, and the gauge next to your energy meter will fill up. Let it loose at green to shoot soy sauce at people and do maximum damage.
You jump with Y and B, and you attack with X and A. This will take a while to get used to.
You also have the ability to roll by double tapping in any direction. Not only does this let you do your dashing kick, but it also allows you to get away from enemies before you can get cornered.
The guys in the suits are the first enemies you'll see in the game as well as among the easiest, as they can only damage you in close. They will come in different colors (black, blue and red) but there doesn't seem to be that much of a difference to each color besides health and color variety.
You can find power-ups in destructible things, such as mailboxes, signs and trash-cans.
In the second section, you'll meet guys on roller skates with tea kettles for heads. They move around much faster than the guys in the suits. The aliens in the noodle bowls will roll into a ball, float in the air and then drop forward in an attempt to attack you. You can attack them to cancel the attack out.
The unicycle makes you invincible as long as the music for it plays, and once it stops, you've got a few more seconds left before you lose it and you become vulnerable to enemy attacks again.
If you find another soy sauce gun, pick it up. It doubles your firepower as you'll be shooting with a gun in each hand.
The third section takes place in front of a bunch of food stands. Unsurprisingly, one of them sells yakisoba.
The fourth section is the boss. It's some blue guy with a pair of scrapers in his hands and an tray on his head with an okonomiyaki on it (which looks a lot like a pancake with an egg on it.) He'll toss his food at you as an attack, but his main offense is trying to run into you, which will cause a lot of damage.
There are two super attacks, and you have three of each when you start the game. The green one is a super aonori bomb (the seaweed flakes) that stuns all on-screen enemies, and can be performed by holding L while pressing an attack button. The yellow one is a super agedama bomb (a gluten nugget) that attacks them, and can be performed while holding R while attacking.
Hit this guy when he stands still, and don't let him run into you. Keep in mind that when you knock him down, he's invincible for a few seconds.
When you beat the first boss, you'll finish him off and it's on to Stage 2. At the end of every stage you'll get
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