Sunday, December 30, 2012

ProtonJonSA plays Ninja Gaiden for Master System - Chapter 2

Pursit In Tokyo." Gee, thanks for the Engrish, Sega. How could you.

 Yakuza now? Great...and they want to Ryu to join their gang. Ha!

And as soon as the chapter starts, the enemy on the right looks like a drunken salaryman. Could this get any weirder and/or typically Japanese? Seriously...

The guys with the glasses kill me with projectile shooting...cameras? It's the second level and I have to deal with people with killer Kodaks? what is this i don't even

When you enter the building, there are floors where spikes pop in and out. Typical old-school Ninja Gaiden, I guess. You climb a couple of ladders (what, no stairs or elevator?) and then you end up jumping from rooftop to rooftop. You'll have to be careful at this point, since birds will fly up at you from the bottom of the screen. After a couple of buildings, you make a huge leap of faith onto a platform that is literally a set of conjoined windowsills at the side of a buidling. It then gets really confusing from there, since the colors seem to blend into each other and you have guys in red shirts with knives jumping over the pits.

The boss is even simpler than the first one. It's like logic just took a vacation and Sega just decided to do whatever they wanted...or something. I dunno. He just sits there at the top center of the screen and doesn't even react when you stand next to him and stare at him, much less hit him with your sword. The only "attacks" he has are the guys that run really fast across the screen and the spikes that pop in and out of the floor at the bottom. He sends out more enemies, but they're just like the ones you've seen throughout the stage that shoot bullets.

Once you finally kill him, he tells you that the Bushido is in the hands of a samurai named Tsutenkaku. But the next stage is called "Samurai in Tsutenkaku." The Engrish gods strike again!

Why do I have the feeling I'm about to play a game that's famous for being a toned-down stand-alone game that has nothing to do with the series as whole, having a whole bunch of unoriginal bosses that are really bad and a whole bunch of typos and mistakes in the translation?
- PrinceWatercress, 3/4/2011
1:22 - Now we're switching from fighting other ninjas to fighting normal people who look like drunken salarymen. Wonderful.
1:32 - OH GOD IT HAS A CAMERA THAT SHOOTS PROJECTILES WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
2:20 - ...and that guy just ran through a wall.
3:43 - Now Ryu Hayabusa is jumping from the tops of buildings! Awesome! It's like Spider-Man for Game Boy...except slightly less sucky!
3:53 - A bird flies up from the bottom of the screen. Watch out!

4:10 - If I hadn't watched this, I wouldn't have known that you're supposed to land on the construction crane hook. Just letting you know.

4:28 - The birds are already killing!

/gwonam
5:32 - All you have to do is go up to the platform he's on and keep on slashing him. He doesn't even react in any way whatsoever. He just sits there and let you stare at him, much less hit him. Oh, dear God, Tecmo, why did you allow this game to be made?!?
5:56 - He sends out more enemies the further you weaken him. And no, I didn't speak too soon, since he would have been ninja sausage in mere seconds if NES trilogy rules applied.
6:11 - Here, have a cutscene.
6:38 - "These man." *facepalms*
6:54 - I'd hate to be the Samurai in Tsutenkaku. I'd probably be the poster child for a de-motivational poster for Japanese gay samurai assrape.

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