brisulph plays Bart vs. The Juggernauts - Part 4 of 4

We have just one more week...and it's the most dangerous one yet!

The Kwik-E-Mart Doggie Dodge

You'll have to run to the end as you avoid being attacked by the dogs.

If you find a bone on the ground, there's probably a dog nearby. Face the dog and use the bone to distract it and get it out of your way. The dog bone is a one-time-use item.

If you see a dog's head popping out of the side of a crate, move back so the dog doesn't hit you when it leaps out.

Wait for the dogs jumping in and out of the pits to go down before jumping over the gaps.

The item that looks like a croissant is an arm protector. When you grab one, there's probably a dog nearby, so move to the nearby dog and stand in front of it. Just let it attack you. After it bites you a few times, it will run off with the arm protector, leaving you free to continue but also defenseless again.

It should be noted that the arm protector only works on the dogs that are out in the open and standing on platforms, not the ones that jump in and out of the pits.

When you see the sausages move up and down, jump up and grab them when they are at that lowest point so you can hang on them and then leap to the next platform.

This is the last new event of the game. At that's left is old stuff you've played before, and when you beat all six events and win a cool six figures, you've won!

brisulph plays Bart vs. The Juggernauts - Part 3 of 4

We're halfway through the week, but the deadliest is yet to come!

Herman's Military Minefield Mayhem

For this game, you'll want to use Up and Down to control your descent, speeding up and slowing down when necessary to avoid the projectiles that are thrown at you. You only have three runs at the game with three hits each, and if you lose them all, you're gonna miss out on a lot of money.

When you reach the ground, be sure to slow down prior to landing or else you're going to go straight through the ground and instantly fail the event.

Once you reach the ground, you'll want to avoid the water balloons and the mines. Watch the shadows of the water balloons to see where they'll land, and don't get too close to the mines.

The Krustyland Hammer Slammer

To win this, you'll want to face the pole, charge up the power meter and hit the pad at the bottom as hard as you can. You want to keep an even balance so that all four Juggernauts that are climbing down are at the same height. If just one of them reaches the bottom, it's over. You lose.

If you hear a beeping noise, you've just earned the Juggernaut Juice! Grab it, then hit either Pole 1 or Pole 4. Hitting someone after grabbing the Juggernaut Juice will send them flying, never to be seen again. However, the juice is a one-shot deal and is only good for the next swing. Hitting one of the poles at the very sides is your best bet.

Bonus Stage

This time, you'll be dropping four weights on each side.

brisulph plays Bart vs. The Juggernauts - Part 2 of 4

It's only getting harder from here...

Week 2 brings us two events we haven't seen yet.

Moe's Tavern Shove Fest

You have a small variety of move. Your headbutt (Down+A) will be the most reliable. The drop kick will be able to do a nice amount of damage, but missing will leave you wide open to attack. The shove will push your opponent back the farthest.

Snarla has a kiss attack, and if it connects, Bart will be stunned for a few seconds. You definitely don't your back close towards the edge, especially if that happens.

When you beat Snarla twice within the time limit, you'll take on...Barney? Yep, Barney is one of the Juggernauts for some reason. You'll want to watch out for his belch, because it will send you flying. 

Nuclear Plant Bop 'Till You Drop

It's the Joust event from American Gladiators...except the floor is replaced with nuclear waste! You'll have to knock your opponent into the waste three times to win.

You have five hits, and once your hits are gone, it's down into the nuclear waste you go. If you can dodge attacks, you'll be able to regain your hits one at a time. 

Forward+B will definitely help you do the most damage.

Watch out for the droplet of nuclear waste. If you see it, step back and whack it at your opponent to do two bars worth of damage.

Bonus Stage

This time, you'll have to put three weights on each side instead of two.

brisulph plays Bart vs. The Juggernauts - Part 1 of 4

The intro

The Bart Simpson Game Boy trilogy continues with Bart vs. The Juggernauts, which has a huge American Gladiators premise around it. It's not going to be easy...

Welcome to another exciting edition of Juggernauts with your host Kent Brockman and special guest host Dr. Marvin Monroe! Not surprisingly, Bart Simpson is this week's contestant, and he's smaller than even the smallest of the Juggernauts - Snarla, who happens to be 6'2" and 165 pounds of catlike fury.

You have to make a certain amount of money within the week in order to continue on to the next week, and to make it to the second week, you'll have to score $10,000 or more.

After the intro, you'll play the first week. You'll start by picking between one of two games: or "Dr. Marvin Monroe's Hop, Skip and Fry" or "Capt. Murdock's Skateboard Bash and Crash."

Capt. Murdock's Skateboard Bash and Crash

For this game, you'll have to knock one of the Juggernauts off the pedestal. Hold A to get Bart going and use Up and Down on the Control Pad to dodge stuff.

Believe it or not, you can overshoot the Juggernaut and pick up a skateboard. You can do this up to two times, and this doesn't use up any of your runs. Picking up the skateboard will make you faster.

If you need to, you can pause the game to get a good look at what you need to avoid. More often than not, the other Juggernauts will be trying to grab you from below the floor.

The pieces of pizza will cause you to slip and slide, so avoid them.

Interesting tidbit of information for this game: if you knock the Juggernaut off on the last run, you'll score more money than if you play perfectly.

Dr. Marvin Monroe's Hop, Skip and Fry

For this one, you'll have to hop on the white tiles and avoid risking electrical shock from touching the black ones. At the same time, you'll also have to avoid the two Juggernauts and throw the ball into the hoop. You have a limited amount of time to score all the goals you can.

To pick up a ball, just head to the bottom of the board and walk into the ball. The ball will always be at the bottom.

If the Juggernauts land on you, you'll be knocked back. You can control where you get knocked back to an extent, but whether you land on a white square or not is based more on luck than anything else.

You can take up to three shocks to the system, and once you've done that the game is over.

To hop one square, press a direction on the Control Pad. To hop two squares, hold the A button down while pressing a direction.

The screen flashes every few seconds, and every three flashes the color of the tiles will switch.

Pressing A near the basket will you let you shoot the ball in. If you hold the Control Pad towards the basket before pressing A, you'll dunk the ball. Dunking allows you to score more money.

Unlike the other game, playing well will score big dividends here.

Bonus Stage

By winning all of the week's events, you can score a bonus game. To win this one, throw the weights onto the steel bar that the Juggernaut is carrying. Once you get all four of them on it - two on each side - you win.

You can get a little extra money from playing this game. As a matter of fact, the extra money from here will definitely make a difference.

Being both speedy and accurate is essential, as you also have a time bonus here.

brisulph plays Uninvited - Part 5 of 5

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Use the Key 2 on the hatch in the floor. You'll end up in a cavern.

Enter the archway to the left. You'll be in a frozen room, where the mist creates a human figure that looks like an old Chinese man. He tells you that he dueled with his disciple, Dracan, in this place long ago. He confined him in the ice, but Dracan overpowered him and locked him in this dimension forever. He can only project his image into this frozen cavern. He wants you to send the sleeping Dracan in the ice and away into the Dark World.

This must be the Master.

Use the Star on the ice wall in front of you. This causes the ice to melt and send a whole bunch of water - including a human figure - into the next cave. The Master reappears and tell you to quickly eject him into the Dark World.

In the next cave, Use Dracan's body on the hole in the floor across from you. This will send him into the Dark World. Well, that was simple. Go into the cave past the hole and you'll find a staircase leading to a door in the cavern wall. Use Key 2 to open the door. You'll be back in the mansion, and you'll hear your sister from above! We've finally found her!

Go back to the second floor hallway. Go to the upper-left room and go into the bathroom. You'll be directly below your sister now! But the bathroom door has shut behind you!

Turn on the bathtub, and try to Open the light fixture on the ceiling. As you do this, the tub overflows and the room begins to flood! Keep trying to Open the light fixture. Your head will eventually reach the ceiling. When that happens, you'll have opened the light fixture if you kept using the Open command on it.

You'll find your sister, but she won't respond. If you Examine her, you'll see her eyes are glazed and she has a sickly smile. Hit your Sister, and a demon will come out. Your sister will come to and break the window, jumping out. Use the Goblet on the demon, and the demon will be destroyed.

Jump out of the window and you'll join your sister. You've won!

brisulph plays Uninvited - Part 4 of 5

We're nearly done with the game. We just have a few more puzzles to do...

Stone Maze (by Avid Gamer)

Use the Cage on the bird. The snake will eat the cat. If you Examine the snake, the game says the cat is full. Nice typo, game.

Go south and you'll eventually meet up with the bouncing creature. Open the Cage in front of it and it follow the bird. You'll be able to get the jewel behind it. It's the Blothney Gem! Use Telemaze to get out.

Head out to the backyard and go to the laboratory...sorry, Magisterium. Use the Jewel (Blothney Gem) in the hole above the door, then go in.

To get rid of the ghost in the first room, give it the Fruit. The room to the right is an astronomy room. There's nothing that is of use to you for the moment. The room to the left is locked, but the room across from you is a laboratory. There is a wall safe to the upper-left here, as well as a hatch in the floor.

Open the wall safe to go to the combination screen. The combination is 794780. Inside is...a cookie jar. There's something inside it, but you'll have to break it to open with the axe. You'll take Candles and a Cookie.

Head back to the game room and use the Cookie on the plate in the floor. He'll take the cookie and leave the key. Take the Key 2.

brisulph plays Uninvited - Part 3 of 5

In this entry, we enter a stone maze, and learn about someone named Dracan...

Go back to the servant's bedroom and Use the floor lamp. You'll move a picture hanging on the wall and reveal a book, but a spirit covered in chains will pop up from out of nowhere. This must be the servant, as this is his room. He thinks Dracan sent you here, and says you cannot have "his precious" as he has hidden it..."his precious" meaning the book, since he blocks you from getting it.

If you give the ghost something he doesn't want, he covers you in acid and kills you. Instead, Use the Spider on him. The stunned spider will freak the spirit out and cause him to go away. How you're supposed to figure this out, I don't know.

You'll finally be able to Take the Diary 3 that the spirit was blocking. Open it and you'll find the following passage:

"The Master would not, or could not, so I have stolen Dracan's star. He is an evil soul. Unlike the Master, he uses his power for amusement and profit. He is not concerned with spiritual enlightenment. There is no compassion with is power. I grow weak. I am dying. I have hidden the star in Master's special box. It never opens, it has no locks. Dracan's star never discerns. In fire it freezes. In ice it burns.

Head back to the game room and head to the backyard. There are three buildings here: a laboratory, a greenhouse and a church. You'll also see something move in the trees behind the church.

Go to the greenhouse and Open the door. There isn't much here aside from a pot of dirt that needs watering and some dead plants. Take the Watercan and Use it on the jar sitting in the lower-left corner. You'll be able to water the plant twice, but after that water won't come out of the Watercan. Go back to the greenhouse entrance, Use the spigot and use the Watercan on the water. Go back and water the plant a third time, and a fruit will sprout. Take the Fruit.

Head back to the backyard and approach the church. You'll come in contact with two menacing dogs. Use the Thundere spell to drive them away. You can now Open the church doors.

Take the Goblet, and the altar will move to the side to reveal a secret passage. Take the Candles too. As for the secret passage, you won't be able to enter it. The game will warn you several times when you try to enter, but after the fourth time, you're going to die.

Instead, use the O Sesame spell to open the door to the left. The stone bust will speak and the door will open. This leads to a stone maze, but you'll be blocked by an apparition that rips you apart immediately...unless you light the Candles with the Matches before going through the door. This causes the apparition to go away. You can now enter the maze.

Stone Maze (by Avid Gamer)

The scroll mentioned when you enter is Scroll 3, which mentions the Blothney Gem.

Head north. If you examine the slab, you'll find that the Blothney Gem "is in a deep place."

Another slab to the northwest reads "The Pendant can protect you from the undead." To the northwest still is yet another stone slab that states "The bouncing creature loves things that fly."

There are dead ends in this maze that contain packs of Zombies. If you use the Pendant on them, you'll end up making the game unwinnable.

You'll find a tombstone nearby. Examining it reveals nothing, and you won't be able to Use the Bouquet on it, which is described as "looking good on a tombstone." From this tombstone, keep heading east. You'll run into a Zombie. Use the Pendant on it to kill it. Head east one more time, then head south until you see a different tombstone. Use the Bouquet on it. This reveals a secret passage to the west. Go west once, and you'll see three cages sealed within the far wall of the maze. If you Use Key 1 on the keyhole below them, you'll free a bird, a cat and a snake. If you Examine them, you'll find out that they're all ready to eat each other.

brisulph plays Uninvited - Part 2 of 5

We further explore this house in Part 2!

Go back downstairs and open one of the doors. The Scarlett O'Hara ghost will show up. Open the No Ghost and Use it on her, and she'll melt away.

You can now open the doors here. The lower-left door to find a parlor. There isn't much except for another door to the north. This is the veranda, and you'll see a black spider walk across you. Use the Spray on the railing, then leave and come back. The Spider Cider spray will stop the spider and you can Take it. Yes, you'll need a spider for something.

The upper-left door leads to a dining room. Take the Bouquet off the table, then Open the north door. The room here is really cold. Take the Blotter off of the desk, then Open the Desk and Take the Card. On the Card are periodic elements and their numbers: Copper, 29; Silver, 47; Gold, 79; Mercury, 80; Lead, 82; Uranium, 92. The door at the upper left is right.

Go back through the left door to enter the dining room again and Open the upper-left door. It's a kitchen. Take the two knives hanging below the pots, as well as the Fry Pan in the upper left.

Going west from the kitchen takes you to what appears to be a servant's bedroom. Take the Brush off the bed and the Cologne, then head back out and head east from the kitchen. Take the Matches off the second-highest shelf along with the Salt Jar.

To the south of the dining room is the game room. There are scratches on the dresser, but it's locked. Open the north door and go in to find the trophy room. Don't bother taking the guns; they're locked onto the wall. Take the cage in the lower-left corner.

The door to the north takes you to the backyard, where you can see three buildings. You can drop any items you don't need in this screen.

Go back the game room, and you'll see a cute dancing demon with a key in its hand.

Go south from the game room to return to the hallway.

The upper-right room leads back to the foyer. Cut the Couch with the Knife 2 to find a Key 1. Take it. Go back upstairs, enther the master bedroom on the lower-left and Use the Key 1 on the closet. Open the two scrolls to read them. The Scroll 2 reads "Gold, silver and mercury. Together they form a key." The Scroll 3 reads "The heart of the garden maze contains the blothney gem. It is guarded by 'he who moves as the moon.'" Take the two scrolls.

Open the Box inside. There is heat being generated inside the box. Take the Box as well as Bottle 2, then head out. Go back to the game room and Use the Key 1 on the cabinet. This unlocks the cabinet and reveals a Gyp.Doll. If you Examine the Gyp.Doll, you'll notice it's so detailed it seems alive. Take the Gyp.Doll, then Use the DollDoll spell on it. It will tell you to find her pious brother so you can find your sister. A word from him can open doors in high places." You'll learn the O.Sesame spell.

Head back to the foyer and Use the Matches on the fireplace to light a fire. Then, Use the Box in the fire. You'll get a heavy, bras star with the words "Fire and Ice" emblazoned on it.

brisulph plays Uninvited - Part 1 of 5

Here's the intro, like he does for every Let's Play.

Here's the game!

You start the game in your car, which you've apparently crashed into a tree. Your sister was in the car with you, but she isn't here. It looks like she's gone for help. You can smell gas, so the gas tank is punctured. Get out of the car, otherwise the car catches fire and you'll die. To do that, select the Open command and press A on either the door in the window in the upper-left corner or press A on the circle on the left side of the map, which is located in the lower-left corner. From there, select Move and press that same area. Yep, it's a point-and-click style adventure game, where you choose commands and press A on things and places to interact with them.

When you leave your car, you'll come across a mansion. Your car will burst into flames behind you. The doors to the mansion will not budge if you try to Open them. Instead, Open the mailbox, then Open the Envelope. Inside is a Pendant and a Letter saying...

"Dear Master, 

Please forgive me. My health prevents me from aiding you in your battle against the evil Dracan. You teach your students well; they become too powerful for their own good. Enclosed is an amulet that should look familiar. Wear this charm and think of me. The undead will surely fear it. Still the evil, my friend; set it free for the sake of the family. Fare thee well."

When you take the Pendant, the door to the mansion will finally open. When you enter, the door slams shut behind you. There's no going back now.

When you Examine the couch in the foyer, you'll notice that something has been stitched into it.

Open the door to the right and enter. Looks like a library. There is a gray book on the shelf. Open it and Examine it, and you'll find out that it's about magic. If used properly, good can happen. If not, bad happens. You'll also learn a few spells: Cloudisi, Stillini, Thundede and Telemaze. The book then disappears. Examining the spells will give you a hint of what they do. You'll be able to know when to use them later on.

Head back to the foyer, and Open and enter the door to the north. You'll be in a hallway. The upper-right door is already open. This leads back to the foyer.

A strange woman that looks like Scarlett O'Hara will randomly appear in this hallway if you go anywhere other than up the stairs. If you try to leave, she kills you. Way to be a jerk, game.

Go up the stairs. You'll come across five doors. The upper-left door leads to what seems to be an ordinary bedroom. This game will make you feel very weak. Take the Diary 1 on the table and the candle. 

Diary 1 says: "My star is gone but not lost. Master's servant will pay for his betrayal. The vehicle of my power has not yet served its purpose. When it sets me free, I will have a chance to realize my unlimited potential. The forces of the technological society will be unprepared for the likes of me. I will not be denied. My victory is inevitable."

Opening the table will reveal Scroll 1, which reads (when Opened) "Doll, doll...wilt thou lead the lost." This teaches you the Dolldoll spell.

Open the door to the upper left. This leads to a cold, dark bathroom with no toilet. If you Examine the light fixture on the ceiling, you'll find out it's been made to be gripped.

If you Open the hamper and Examine the Towel 2, you'll find out it smells bad and that it's blood-stained. You won't be needing this.

Go back to the hallway and open the upper-right door. This leads to a guest bedroom. Open the bureau across from you to find a Ruby. If you Examine it, you'll notice that a strange power seems to run through it. If you Take it, you'll die three or four screens later from the power of the Ruby, so this item isn't worth grabbing. What a useless room.

The right center door in the hallway leads to a spiral staircase. Take the Axe in the corner, then go up the stairs. (You can Use the light switch to the right to turn it on, but there isn't a visual difference.) You'll see a jail cell with the bars reaching up to the ceiling. There's nothing to do here, and if you open the door and go in, you'll be trapped in here and you'll die of starvation...so just go back down.

The lower-right door leads to the master bedroom. Take the Candle 2 and Bottle 1 on the table, then open the Diary 2 that is left. It reads: "I have lost control of Dracan. My star student now fancies himself a master. Though his power is strong, his spirit is weak. He is easily corrupted by the dark spirits of greed and power. My servant, more aware than I, sealed his star in my hingeless box. They're locked away, beyond his stare. I've hidden the key, a chair knows where. Go ahead and take Diary 2.

If you try to Open either of the doors in the master bedroom, you'll find out the double doors across from you are locked, but the door to the left is not. You'll enter another bathroom where a voodoo doll and a ceremonial mask hang above the bathtub. Take the Bottle 3 and Bottle 4 between the sink and the mirror, then head back to the hallway.

There's one more door to try, which is to the lower left. Open it up and you'll find it's a small closet. Take the two bottles on the second-highest shelf (the Spray and the No Ghost). The spray kills spiders, which you'll find out if you Examine it. No Ghost is pretty straightforward; it gets rid of ghosts.

The white box on the top shelf contains a Hat if you Open it.

brisulph is an awesome guy.

Remember brisulph? You know, the guy whose Bart vs. the Space Mutants playthrough ended up on my blog?

Well, he made a really nice FAQ for the game on GameFAQs, which not only covers how to get through the NES version, but also various port differences as well as bugs in the game and other interesting facts you probably never knew about.

What are you waiting for? Click the link!

Brian Sulpher plays Bart vs. The Space Mutants - Part 5 of 5

Now you've gone and done it! You've overcooked me eggs!

Actually, you just got the aliens angry and caused them to get the power rods at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and find them to build their weapon! Oh, snap!

 Anyway, you have to get all 16 power rods and get them back to the basement.

If you can find Lisa, she'll tell you the door combination for the floor you're on. It's the same number for each floor every game, fortunately for you.

You can carry four rods at any given time, and if you want to get more, you'll have to find Marge at the main elevator. She'll take them to the basement (the screen will even shift to her being in the basement after a couple seconds while you're moving around).

You can also call Homer in to assist. Just find a box of donuts and use it when it's in your inventory slot. He'll get rid of all the enemies on screen.

To go into a door, press Up, then press Up or Down to go up or down a floor respectively.

When in front of an elevator, press B to go into it, then use Left and Right to choose the floor. The order of floors from left to right is B, 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. There is a main elevator and two secondary elevators, and they work the same way. The only difference is that the secondary ones can only take you to certain floors (one only goes to Floors 2 and 4, the other only to 1, 3 and 5). Marge only hangs out near the main one on every floor, though.

You will be using the doors on both sides as well as all three elevators to get through this. Might as well mention it now. You'll definitely need a map, and this map made by WLau for his FAQ for this game will definitely be helpful, as it also includes all the combinations for all five regular floors:

I'm not going to mention where to go here, since the video does a better job of explaining than I will (plus the map is the same every time, anyway).

Now, you probably (or probably didn't) notice that I didn't mention Maggie? Why is that? Well, she actually serves a purpose...but only if you've found 15 of the 16 rods. If you're wondering why you can only find 15, she has the last one. You'll have to find her, though. She changes location, and that location depends on how many lives you have. Search everywhere for her, since her location is random every time you play. She usually hangs out near the stairways. Her pacifier will act as the 16th rod.

The ending is...well...ridiculous, to say the least. Everybody's wearing the wrong color clothing (again).

Brian Sulpher plays Bart vs. The Space Mutants - Part 4 of 5

I never saw what was beyond this level when I was a kid. Even my sister never made it past this. Let's face it...this level is insane!

Level 4: Exit Signs

Is there anything weird that those aliens won't collect?

Anyway, you have to collect (or shoot down) exit signs throughout the museum. There are museum sections inter-mixed with sections that take place in a jungle, a pyramid, the Stone Age and what looks like some sort of booby-trapped temple. The museum sections are the only places where you can find space mutants to jump on and collect letters from (ditto for signs), so keep your X-Ray Specs ready as much as you do your Dart Gun in this stage...you'll definitely need them both in this level!

Thankfully, you only need to get six signs. Good thing, too, since this level is long in the tooth and unnecessarily difficult at times.

Watch out for the red lasers. Their hit detection is really weird (you have to be in a specific spot to get hit by them) but they definitely can eat one of your hits if you're not careful.

The first picture frame contains a Dart Gun. Before you go to it, though, jump on the glass casing with the Krusty icon on it and jump on it a couple of times. You'll get the 1-Up out of the casing and ready to collect. Use the glass casing to get to the picture frames (watch out for the space mutant) and grab the Dart Gun. Use it to shoot down the exit sign. Aim carefully, since Dart Guns are limited.

Also, be on the lookout for coins in the picture frames (not that you'll need them, but if you need an extra life...go get 'em).

To avoid the groups of four lasers, super jump...and super jump carefully. You don't want to hit the lasers the way the game wants (doesn't want?) you to and either take a hit or lose a life.

The next glass casing has not one coin, but three. Keep jumping on the glass casing until you get them all.

It won't be long until you enter a jungle section. Avoid the spiders. This may be tougher than it sounds, but they only cover a specific range, so you won't have to worry about being chased around by multiple spiders. The dragonflies fly toward the top of the screen, so just stay out of their flight path and you should be fine. Stepping in the quicksand automatically kills you, so don't fall into it. Keep on the branches and you'll be fine; just be careful not to slide off during your super jumps.

To cross the rivers, jump on the crocodile heads. Watch out for the rocks that fall into the river. When the rock falls into end of the river, jump across immediately. Otherwise, you'll either get hit by a rock on the other side, or you'll be standing on the last crocodile when it dives back into the river, which you don't want.

Hit the monkey with three shots from the Dart Gun to send it into the quicksand. After this, you'll deal with some more spiders that move up and down. These guys act like the magic wands and barber poles from the mall level, so you should know what to do now.

You'll see an exit sign after this, but don't go for it just yet. You'll have to deal with a rock-spitting, man-eating plant. Thankfully, there is a trick to all this. Super jump over the plant so you end up behind it. (You will not take damage from being behind it, don't worry.) Jump back to the plant's head and jump on it three times. Easiest mini-boss ever.

When the plant is defeated, the stalk of vines it was on will be left behind. You can stand on top of it and use the Dart Gun to shoot down the sign you just saw. The sign after the plant takes a little more height to get, however. You'll have to get on the picture frame next to it and shoot it without getting hit by the space mutant.

There is a Jebediah Springfield head in the next glass casing. You can use it to get that aforementioned exit sign without reprisal, or you can use it to rush ahead through the level. (Don't forget to get the letters from the possessed humans, you just might need them...or not. It's up to you.)

After two sets of lasers, you'll see a picture frame with a Dart Gun in it as well as another glass casing with an extra life. Get the life, then grab the Dart Gun. The picture frame to the right of the glass casing you just jumped on gives you enough height to hit the next exit sign near it with the Dart Gun. Just be sure to avoid the mutant.

The next non-museum section is some sort of booby-trapped temple. To get past it, jump only on the red squares on the floor. Don't walk or jump on the ones that aren't lit, and only jump from one red square to the next to avoid taking an unnecessary hit. Thankfully, you can reach them all with the regular jump.

The next section is an Egyptian tomb. Jump on the bricks that jut out of the background, one by one. When you jump off one, the one you jumped off of sinks back into the background, so you'd better be good at jumping by this point in the game! There are mummified hands that leap out of the bottomless pit below that try to grab at you, and it's pretty easy to slide off the bricks and into the pit below. Be sure to position yourself on the center or slightly to the right of the center of said bricks, and don't try to guess where the next one will be...wait. When you reach the brick near the next gray wall, super jump to the right.

Jump over the snakes, and jump over the blades when they sink to the ground to give yourself more margin for error. You'll then see what looks like a mound of dirt on the ground and three statues in the background. When the spiders start falling, super jump to the heads of the statues. This will causes ankhs to fall out. Grab the ankhs, and grab six in all to raise the mound of dirt, which turns out to be a pillar, out of the ground. Weakly tap the A button to jump onto the top of the pillar. Avoid the rocks, and you're free to continue on.

Run under the mummified cats. You'll then meet another mini-boss: a mummy. Wait for it to shoot, then jump on its head. It'll die after three hits just like the last mini-boss. You'll seen another exit sign that you'll have to shoot with the dart gun, as well as another one immediately following it. Thankfully, if you've gotten all the ones you've seen thus far, one of these will be the last one you'll need to get.

You'll need some distance to get one of these, so run past the lasers to find another picture frame (with another Dart Gun) and a glass casing with a Jebediah Springfield head. If you can shoot one of the exit signs down without getting hit by the lasers, great. Using the Jebediah head is optional here, so if you can somehow manage to do that, you can use the Jebediah head to speed past a few more traps and enemies (and maybe get some letters in the process)!

You'll soon see another glass casing with yet another extra life, followed by another picture frame with a Dart Gun in it. If you need another exit sign, there's one immediately after that Dart Gun.

You'll then be in the Stone Age section. Avoid the rocks as you wait for a large rock to float on by at the river. When the rock is in range, jump on it and jump to the other side. Run to the dinosaur bones in the tar pit and jump on the first one to stop the falling rocks. These bones are really finicky to land on, so try to jump on these the same way you did the bricks that jutted out in that one section. Leap on the skulls that move back and forth when they show up to move further, and avoid the pterodactyls as well as the tar pit bubbles that float to the top of the screen.

When you reach the third moving skull, move back to the platform to the right of the second one to avoid being hit by the pterodactyl. When you reach the fourth and last skull, jump back to the platform before it to avoid another pterodactyl. You do want two hit points at all times...do you?

You'll then meet a giant dinosaur. You'll have to time your super jump so that when you jump on his head the first time, you'll land back on his head and not fall down. (The way you have to land on him takes some practice, and if you go all the way to the right while doing this, you're screwed.) You have to hit him dead center in the top of his head to do this right. Jump on him again, and watch where you land. Do it one more time, and if you can land on him again, great. The screen scrolls to the right after the third hit, so you have to time your momentum carefully to allow for the screen's shifting and somehow not die and have to start all over at this. Super jump over him if you don't need the exit sign after the dinosaur.

When you're in the last museum section, you'll find another exit sign. This one is the last, and to get it you'll have to jump from another picture frame and shoot it down.

The boss here is Marvin Monroe, and he shoots electrical shocks at the ground that conduct towards you. If you've spelled Homer's name, he'll be in the picture frame throwing water on the ground to keep you from being cornered by this guy. Hit Marvin's head three times and avoid the shocks to beat him.

Brian Sulpher plays Bart vs. The Space Mutants - Part 3 of 5

Here's a question...why look for balloons at Krustyland when you can just buy them at the Wal-Mart? I mean, there is the Life Celebrations department, right?

Level 3: Balloons

The third level takes place in Krustyland. Here, the ingredient for the weapon this time is balloons. Yeah, I think you know what to do by now.

Anyway, there are two balloons at the start. You'll also see a barrel rolling on the ground that you'll have to jump over, which thankfully isn't hard at all. Just jump onto the window of the tent and jump to the ceiling to get the two balloons. The first enemy you'll see here is some midget. You'll see a bunch of them jumping around, but they're not too hard to avoid.

The games are interesting, as they can get you coins if you're good at them. The first one is tic-tac-toe, where you have to time your throws so that you can get three in a row. The second one is a "guess the number" game that you can cheat at and win every time if you got the magnet back in the first level. (I told you you'd need it later.) You can also win an extra life for playing this game as well. The third game has you popping balloons. You have to pop either three blue ones or three red ones, depending on what it tells you to do at the bottom of the screen. If you win, the rest will pop, you'll get credit for all nine balloons, and you get another extra life. The last game is a shooting game which is pretty easy - if you can get the required 100 points with the 20 shots and 10 seconds you have, you can win another extra life.

After two more balloons, you'll see bombs being tossed at you. The kid tossing them is Adele (sp?), that crazy exchange student from that episode from when Bart was taken to France. Avoid the bombs as well as the clowns that move around when you climb the ladder to hit the bell and win three coins. Also, you'll find the slingshot and another balloon near the strongman post. Use the slingshot to hit balloons that are flying around in the air.

You'll see more bombs being tossed at you, so be careful as you move past the next two balloons. They're being tossed by a guy on the dumping station. If you can hit the target with the slingshot, you can put an end to his bomb tossing.

After a few more balloons, you'll go into the fun house. You need not pull off the Dizzy Doors challenge (where you have to turn all the doors pink) but if you can do it, you can get four free balloons. The next challenge is the pipes that shoot air upwards. You'll have to float above these to get across. Wait until Bart goes up and down about three or four times, then move to the next set of pipes. If you're lucky, you can get some coins.

Thankfully, I managed to find the solution for those of you who do want to do it.

1 2 3

4 5 6

7 8 9

Imagine these nine numbers are the doors. Apparently, opening the doors in the center opens the doors on both sides of it (if you open 2, you'll also open 1 and 3). Opening the doors in the middle row opens the doors above and below it (if you open 4, you'll also open 1 and 7). Opening the doors in the corners opens the other corner doors closest to it (if you open Door 1, you'll also open 3 and 7, but not 9). If you open 5, you'll open 2, 4, 6 and 8 along with it.

Open 5 first, then open 1. This will put the closed doors in an L pattern. From there, open 4. This leaves the entire top row closed. Open 2...and there you go. Four balloons in seconds flat. Just like the balloon game, this game doesn't start until you make your first move, so if you need to refer to this right when you get here to look up what the pattern is, feel free.

Go up the platforms, watching out for any bombs that might fall from the sky. Keep going until you see a platform between the giant Krusty's eyes. Take it down to the Krusty face's mouth, take the 1-Up and go in. You'll find a secret room where you can find two balloons and four coins.

If you're leaving out of Krusty's mouth, super jump off the red platform that immediately proceeds it as soon as possible so you don't fall into a pit and die. Run to the right, avoiding the midgets. You're out of the fun house.

Get any more balloons you need as you avoid clowns and midgets. You'll then have to take a Ferris wheel across a pit. If you can somehow stand on the middle of the Ferris wheel, you can get another extra life.

If you're still short on balloons (heaven forbid), go into the ticket booth to warp back to the first tent.

Once you're past this, you'll fight Sideshow Bob. If Lisa is on-screen, she'll drop bowling balls to help you out. You have to stomp on his feet, then wait as he hops around a few times before making a big leap. When he's stunned and the stars are flying around his head, jump on his feet again. The trick here is to stay in close so that he'll leap over you every single time. He'll go down after a few hits.

Brian Sulpher plays Bart vs. The Space Mutants - Part 2 of 5

Why hasn't Chief Wiggum busted this mall yet for the violations from the cement pits yet? Geez...

Level 2: Hats

The next level has the aliens changing the main ingredients from purple objects to hats. (I know, this makes no sense whatsoever.) You'll now be in the Springfield Mall...and everything purple is blue again!

Keep the X-Ray specs handy at all times, since people will be walking all over the place and you don't want to lose health from hitting an actual human on the head.

The main thing to do here is to collect hats. Whether it's finding them out in the open or knocking them off people's heads, grab as many as you can. You'll be spelling Marge's name here, so hopefully finding the letters for this stage shouldn't be too hard. Also, keep a lookout for coins that pop out when you leap onto the trash cans in this level.

Let the donuts jump over, and get over and under the marshmallows any way that you can (the marshmallows either jump up and down or leap back and forth). You'll soon reach a pit of cement, and the only way across is usually either jumping on candy bars or jumping on lollipops. For the first pit, get on the second candy bar and jump on it three times. It'll automatically take you across the pit. Bet you didn't know that.

The barber poles move up and down at various speeds, so take care as you time your movements around them accordingly. Sometimes, you'll have to jump over them. Use a Super Jump and you won't have to worry about taking unnecessary damage.

You'll then meet Skinner. If you use the X-Ray Specs, you'll find out he's possessed by a space mutant. He'll then throw coins at you (or is he shooting a gun? I can't tell) so jump on his head. Also, take the time to knock the hat off of his head, too. Jump on his head three times to get rid of him and get another letter. You'll then make contact with an escalator that takes you to the second floor.

Once you're there, jump on the first trash can you see and hold Down on the Control Pad. You'll find a hidden room with a bunch of hats in it...score!

Anyway, there should be another human that's possessed by a space mutant; hit him on the head when you discover him to get another letter. The enemies you'll see here are shoes. The first pair you'll see are tennis shoes that walk on their own; the second pair is a pair of ballerina shoes that walk back and forth and leap into the air from time to time.

It's at the ballerina shoes that Brian Sulpher shows us a trick. Get on the trash can near the first pair of ballerina shoes and jump on it five times. You'll get three coins that you'll have to be quick to get. Then get back on it and jump seven times. You'll get five hats to pop out of the can one at a time. Keep jumping and you'll get a Jebediah Springfield head, which makes you invincible. Do it a couple more times, and you'll get a 1-Up. Get back on it, jump 14 times in a row (be careful of those shoes) and a few of the developers' names will pop out. Pick them up and you'll get a buttload of coins.

The third shoe you'll see is a single loafer that moves around similarly to the marshmallows. The cleats move around and try to kick you in the keister, so be careful near them. The boots try to crush you, like the Thwomps in Super Mario Bros. 3. The spring shoes come in pairs, so be ready to run under them. You'll then see another pair of shoes trying to moonwalk. Ha! Michael Jackson reference, that's funny.

You'll then see Smithers again, this time riding in a giant shoe. Ironically, you'll be in front of a store called "The Really Big Shoe." He'll try to stomp on you with this boot. If you can stomp on his head just once, you'll get another letter (if you need it) and the chance to move on. Just be airborne when the boot hits the ground.

You'll then reach the third floor. After a few space mutants, you'll see boxes with legs and heads jutting out of them hopping around, so move accordingly. Looks like a bunch of magician's assistants are pretty mad...

You'll seen see top hats on the ground with rabbits popping out of them. When the rabbits are in the air, quickly run through the top hats to collect them. The rabbits will still be around, so be careful.

The next enemy is a ghost sheet. Wait for it to fly above you before proceeding.

You'll then reach another wet cement pit, this time with magician's wands acting as platforms. What's with all the magic related stuff in this floor of the mall? Is there a surplus of magic props in Springfield? Anyway, jump all the way to the last wand, then jump straight up before crossing to the other side. A Jebediah Springfield head falls from the sky. Get back on the third wand, grab the head, and run past the floating magic rings (which you'd usually have to leap dead center through).

You'll then see bigger magic wands that act like the barber poles from earlier. Once again, jump and move accordingly, since this is nothing new.

You'll then meet Skinner again. This time, he'll teleport from one spot to another and then shoot at you. Hit his head three times and try not to be in close when he attacks.

You'll be at the fourth floor of this mall soon afterward. Run all the way to the right, since there's nothing here except the boss.

The boss here is Mrs. Botz, the Babysitter Bandit. She'll drop suitcases at you. When they hit the floor, touch them so that they hit the guy on their way back up. If you have Marge, she'll shoot some of the suitcases as long as they're directly in front of her and not anywhere near her.

You'll have to make a running jump on the suitcases, then run away so that she'll unwittingly run into them. After five hits, she's history.

Brian Sulpher plays Bart vs. The Space Mutants - Part 1 of 5

Why is Marge wearing red? Why is Maggie wearing green? Why are Homer's shoes brown? Why are Lisa's shoes black? Why is Marge in a red dress with black shoes? And why does Bart have red socks on?

Also, this is BrianSulpher from GameFAQs playing the game. He's got a lot of NES FAQs; go check those out while you're surveying his YouTube account.

Anyway, this is not a very good game, folks. And if you don't feel like listening to James Rolfe (the Angry Video Game Nerd) to find that out, well...

Level 1: Purple-Colored Objects

Bart's shorts and shoes are purple...and so is Maggie's bow, pacifier and the HUD. How wonderful. The purple's enough to make you sick.

Anyway, in the first level, the aliens need purple-colored objects to power up...whatever their super-weapon is...

To get the one-up that you see almost immediately, you'll have to make a running super jump off the trash can by letting go of A and immediately pressing A and B at the same time afterwards. (Thankfully, Brian Sulpher explains this to you less than 90 seconds into this, as well as everything else that you need to know before getting deep into this game...or a pile of shit, depending on how you see this game.) After that, jump on the head of the first human you see. Pick up the little flashing thing that the alien leaves behind, and you'll collect a letter to spell out a Simpsons family member's name (in this case, it's Maggie). When you spell the name out completely, they'll be able to help you out in the boss battle.

Anyway, get the spray paint can, then spray the wastebasket at the beginning, as well as the Space Mutant 4 poster next to the theatre entrance. Go to the payphone, look through your inventory for the coins, and press Start to use it on the payphone. After Bart's usual Moe's Tavern prank call (which randomly gives out a different name every time you play - my favorite is Stu Piddidiot), Moe sends a guy in a purple shirt after you. Spray him red, then jump to the top of the payphone. Jump again to land on the wire above it, then walk over the covers to cover up the two purple toys. There will be a human passing by when you reach the next trash can; jump on his head to get the next letter and then spray the trash can.

Get the spray paint can on the windowsill of the next building, then jump over the bee that comes out of the first bush you pass. The rest (save for the next to last one) give you coins, and the last one throws out a coin at a weird angle, so be ready to grab that last one!

Spray the fire hydrant next to it. Go into the door above that awning you just sprayed and buy both the key and the wrench. Use the wrench on the fire hydrant, and you'll spray the awning on the store door red. Use the window to jump on the awning, then jump so that you spray the purple flower vase.

There'll be another human passing by when you reach Mel's novelty store; jump on his head and collect the next letter. Jump on the windowsill, then jump on the window to the door of Mel's. Jump to the upper part of the windowsill (be careful of the blue space mutant) and spray the next flower vase. If you're brave, go for the 1-Up.

Go into Mel's and buy both the cherry bomb and a bunch of rockets (about six or seven should do). You'll definitely need those later in the stage.

The "Toys 'n Stuff" store has another purple flower vase to spray, but first go in and buy a whistle and a magnet. You will definitely need these later. There's also another can of spray paint at the top here if you need it.

The next store is Candy Most Dandy. Spray the flower vase, spray the nearby trash can, then jump off the trash can with a super jump and knock the bucket over to turn the awning over the candy store window red.

The final shop is the pet store. Spray the vase on the windowsill (geez, another one?) then stand on the lower part of the window and throw the cherry bomb near the bird. The bird flies away, but then a dog appears that will attack you if you touch the ground. Stay on the window and it'll go away after a few seconds.

The next human you see is a mutant, so jump on his head. There's a coin in the bush that pops out at a crazy angle, so be ready to run for the coin when you trigger it. When you see the "Keep Off" sign, jump to the sign and you'll be standing on the grass. A cop dressed in purple (wut) will appear, so spray paint him red and get back on the grass to avoid him.

The next thing you have to do is to scare a bird off the Jebediah Springfield statue, and you have to do this if you want to move on. Here's the place to stand if you want to hit this bird with one rocket, because as AVGN said, this part can be frustrating as anything.

Jump over the barrier and onto the skateboard, but before you do so, hit one of the bushes and you'll trigger not one but two coins that you'll have to chase after to pick up. Now you can get on. You'll have to jump over dogs and space mutants while dodging Jimbo (unless you see the skull on his T-shirt, you wouldn't know it's him).

Jump over the barrier and you're back on foot. Spray the fountain, then jump on the head of the next human you see as it's another mutant. Hit the Barney's Bowl-a-rama sign with a rocket (thankfully, this is much easier). Jump on the human that comes shortly afterwards for the last letter. If you find any more humans that are really mutants with the help of the X-Ray Specs, you can get extra points (but not much else). Dodge the bee that comes out of the bush, and grab the coin that comes out of the bush above the two red mutants.

The last three things you'll need to get rid of are the purple window shades of the Springfield Retirement Home, home of one Abraham Simpson. Before you do that, though, go to the Kwik-E-Mart and hit the E with a rocket. Your aim has to be perfect, and if you can pull it off you'll get three extra lives and...the sound test. Nice.

Spray the fountain, then hit the tinted windows with the rocket. As you can see in the video, your aim can be a little less than perfect for these. Heck, Brian Sulpher nearly misses the second one and still gets it. Ha!

Also, if you're low on rockets, you can use the key on the retirement home door to go back to the movie theater. If the timer is at 200 or 400, you get to spray a purple person (the showtimes give a slight clue)! Whoo-hoo! Also, if you use the whistle in front of the last windows of the retirement home, Abe Simpson pops out of the window to throw some coins to you. Be ready to catch them!

To beat Nelson, press B to throw water balloons at him. Jump over the water balloons when he throws them. If Maggie is on screen, jump into the bowling balls to send them Nelson's way and make the boss battle a lot easier.